Pressures of beauty on our daughters

When we take a minute to think about it, where do most of our ideals about beauty come from? Yes, many come from tv and the images we see, but even before that, they come from our mother. We see her as she stands sideways in front of a long mirror, making sure her outfit doesn't make her look 'too fat'. We see her as she agonizes over a new wrinkle. We see her sigh as she tries on a pair of jeans that no longer fits loosely. As an toddler, we see her looking at her stretchmarks in the mirror. We see her fretting over a pimple before a night out on the town with or an important business meeting.

Even at these young ages, these images of our mother affect us. We see her trying all the latest diets and our perception of food is changed. Our images are continually altered as we see our mother striving for some sort of invisible, unattainable perfection.

How do these images affect us? We begin to start at a young age to fret about our looks. Girls as little as 3 & 4 are worried about their hair being messed up. 5 & 6 years olds are starting to make more comments such as "I'm fat". It's estimated that by age 9, over 70% of young girls have already been on some sort of a diet. 7 & 8 year olds are wearing provocative clothing and the design companies are catering to them as they create more bikinis, more low ride jeans and more midriff tops. Even in store fliers that are delivered to our houses on a weekly basis, we are bombarded with young girls, standing in seductive ways, sort of 'teasing' all those who might be looking at their pictures. At young ages, girls don't care about their 'uniqueness'. They are being taught that they are DIFFERENT and different isn't a good thing.

Society shapes our views of beauty and the ideals that we have. If you travel out of the country, you will see that in many 3rd world countries, beauty is defined by curves. The more curvy and plump a woman is, the more beautiful she is seen. Why? Because this means she is wealthier and has the money to eat what she wants. This becomes the pursuit of many men in those villages. In some of the cultures, larger hips are seen as beautiful. Why? Because they means they are more likely to be able to safely and easily birth babies, to continue the lineage of the family. In some Asian countries small feet are a sign of beauty. From a small age, young girls feet are literally crammed into shoes that are much too small. This keeps their feet from growing and is sometimes crippling. Each society has it's own standards.

If you look at art history, you will see the Burogue period and the art is full of large, plump women. They were the beauty of that time. When we look at movies that revolve around that same time period however, we see women who are small waisted and large busts bursting over the top of their low cut dresses. We are shown that this is what was beautiful at the time.

Look at this famous picture by Peter Paul Rubens c. 1618. The woman has a flabby stomach, larger thighs and even what would appear to be cellulose. The woman is actually a portrayal of the goddess Cybele, goddess of fertility and the mother of the other gods. Her body very much resembles a woman after giving birth. It's a beautiful thing, not something to be ashamed of as media makes us think.

As we work to change societies view of beauty, it's important for us as mothers to start with our daughters. We need to see them as beautiful. We need to gaurd the words that we say to them. We need to cherish and appreciate their uniqueness and help them to embrace that. It sets them apart from all the others. If we were all the same, wouldn't we in a sense then, be 'ordinary'? Instead, we are different. We are unique. We are special and because of that we are beautiful!!

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Kelly Milano, can be reached at: kmilano@gmail.com
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2007